The exasperated Tambrahm bride

I am stupefied. Numb. Dumb. Passive and other allied adjectives.

People should organise classes for this pre-arrange-marriage process... for both the parties, coz if you are not prepared, each conversation is like a maths final exam where the questions were prepared by your art and craft teacher, seriously.

When I borrowed Kausalya Saptarishi's 'The Tambrahm Bride' from a senior of mine at workplace, i didnt realize that I would, at one point of time, start identifying with the main protagonist. 

Some months back, I only fought with my parents, who were clueless as what was it in that book that made me so repulsive of marriages. I though it was the toughest on the bride's family.

I have always been a free soul. My parents were reasonable in their rules and regulations. Often, I have been thankful to them for imposing certain restrictions. Though, I would like them to believe that their eldest daughter is a rebel who cannot be reined. I know I will be like my father with my kids!!!

So, when I was 23 and my mom, whom I argue is a drama queen, muttered that it was time that she started looking for an alliance etc etc etc...I did protest, knowing fully well that I was a lazy coward when it came to marrying by independent choice. I mean, I was having this cool job, no studies, great frnz circle, carefree... I was leading this life that many women, in their greyer years, would call paradise. Who the hell wants to get committed, yaar???

In a strange turn of events, I decided to humour my mom and let her intensify the search for a "boy" (in my part of the world, any eligible man will be a boy...age varies between 24- even 33 ... unconstitutional). You don't even want to know her criterion for this "boy" cos some years later, if by some momentary lapse of judgement, I let that "boy" read this post...he will be disillusioned with the institution of marriage. (P.S- By the time I decided to publish this draft that I had composed somewhere around November 2010, I got married and left the country for a non-descript location in the Middle East).

(Again in a flashback)

What angers me? Parents!!! If your son is not mentally prepared for accommodating a wife in his life, you accept that fact. And it does not mean that he is gay (accept it more if he is). He just needs more time. Don't introduce him as a potential groom into the circle of families who are looking for one because he makes TOTALLY ANNOYING CONVERSATIONS AND PISSES ME OFF.

People, get this clear. It is not easy for a woman to be mentally prepared for getting married to a stranger. 

But I did agree to see your pyaara beta. Didnt I? So, what is the conclusion? The conclusion is that I had to prepare myself a thousand times over that if this is the poor man ends up getting a faint idea that I am the queen of his dreams, there is a chance that my life may turn upside down.

I am prepared to accommodate this change because my adorable drama queen mother has citied several reasons seeking to justify as why I should let this random kid take over my life and let him believe that he is doing the right thing. It could even end up like letting A Raja taking over the Home Ministry...get what I mean???

So, you have any remote idea as what went into making this conversation with the apple of you eye? And don't give me that customary 'in-our-times-we-also' nonsense... Stop it right there...right now... I don't believe in what you are saying. You could not have been born this old.

Emotional private writing is so very therapeutic, by the way.

So, coming back to the point, if your kid is not prepared for a marriage, don't force him. If he is a psycho, let him be a bachelor. Don't expect traumatized girl to change that jerk for you. She can't. He is a jerk and will remain so all his life. That is so not funny and people have a right to happiness.

At least four men (and I insist on using this term) have spoken to me, in a bid to find out if I was their Miss Right after their profile went through several stages of filter process held by my folks. While some turned out to be okay, ( hey, I was unprepared but conveyed it so) others turned out be, well, remarkable in their own way. (Last I counted, it was four.)

Some of my most memorable chapters in this arrange marriage process can contribute to several posts in this blog. This may include just watching profiles, chats, conversations, or even meetings...

Sample this. Boy: OMG, It is such a big house that you have got. It is tough to find something like this in the area where I live. How much is a plot worth in this area? (Helllooo???) BTW, his mother claimed before coming to my house: "Now, I know u will like my son. Nobody can reject him." (breathe in, breathe out)

Another family came to see me on a festival day. (I deliberately omit some nightmarish experiences here too) They get me two apples and six pieces of sweet. The mother is honest. She categorically states that these were part of a festive gift that her son got from the company. (Numb!!!)

Another guy who wasn't really sure if he wanted to take a call on getting marriage after talking to me for sometime... "You know your parents should have a little more maturity to understand that we have to know each other well" (@$$#()!* Slap!!!)

"You Delhi girls are very modern also know" (Yeah dude, I am pubbing every night and marry me, I will rescue from the miserable existence of a life that you are bearing)"

Dont worry, I will support you if you want to study further (Er... Sweet... But, why should I get married then. Focus!!!)

And may I say, these were just the samples among others. There were some really annoying experiences where civic sense was thrown out of the window. Some even more harrowing conversation where I felt these were the atonements for my sins...or when people were, in general, communication challenged. Dude, You are not the only one with a family. I have one and it is way more better than what you have got, Period.

Even as I write, I am losing my cool. My family makes me meet one of these again, I will throw my politeness out of the window and unleash my wrath on them. Families, dont make me undergo terrible, jittery conversations with your stupid kids if they are just unsure of getting married. Don't be a homophobic. It is okay if they are gay. Don't waste my time.

A potential drama queen in me thinks the government should levy a charge on all kinds of conversations that take place between a "boy" and a girl (no quotes here). People will be serious about other's time. prepare themselves to not talk nonsense and not pass on anything in the name of "starting trouble".

Again, emotional private writing is so very therapeutic. I will do this again. Don't follow me if you don't like it.

P.S. Here is something I recently stumbled upon. Wanted to fit it somewhere in my blog. Watch it.