Kind of people on Facebook

Facebook is like ..damn..let us cut the crap and get straight to the point. The following are broad categories of people who pretty much customize my Facebook experience...everyday..

The weatherman - This one gets active and emo on rainy days. Uploads a poorly-focused image of wet roads with status updates like

 Raining in Delhi *smiley* - feeling happy. 

We get it. Notice how you frequently lose your precious smartphn to rain water. That is karma.

The celeb-couple aspirants - Okay, this couple, or at least one of them, really believes in the "true power of love" and want to spread it around as quickly as possible. In their head, they are convinced that they are the most kick-ass couple on the entire World Wide Web and have taken upon themselves to enlighten the young generation about how cool it is for one to get hitched. Their characteristics are:

• Of the 1000 pictures they have on Facebook, 900+ would be about them. Yup, just the two of them from their courtship, engagement, wedding, honeymoon, other people's wedding, other people's birthday parties, funerals, picnics, festivals etc etc etc. They may be uploading an album about your wedding in their profile but you would be lucky if you were in any of the pictures.
• In person, they wouldn't hesitate before asking embarrassing questions about your personal life even at a funeral. 
• Most likely they had an arranged marriage and this has been their only romantic relationship ever.
• Their work-life and social life kinda sucks.
• They really believe the "Hey, nice couple", "Made for each other" "Rab ne banaa di jodi" comments friends make on their uploads.

The baby bloomers - From the same family of celeb-couple aspirants, come the baby bloomers. They probably are not familiar with debates on "child pornography on social media" and upload dozens of pictures featuring their baby/babies on social networking sites in all possible poses and clothes (or without, whatever). Some of their characteristics are :

• They are super-excited about parenthood and want to tell everyone about it, even to those who belong to the country of 1.28 billion population.
• They ask you why you still haven't had your first kid even after 10 months of marriage.
• The minute they know about your pregnancy, they will be the first to give you all sorts of tips and tricks. What works for them should work for everyone.
• Their kid is most likely to leave home to practice Reiki in Vietnam when he turns 18.

Even if you never met this child in person, you would still be able to identify him/her even after 25 years and have the feeling that you have seen this child grow everyday, quite literally, because the parent would be still uploading pictures of the "baby". Yes, even those of adulthood with captions like "Can't believe my baby is so grown up"/ "Can't believe my baby now goes to work"/ "Can't believe my baby still hasn't disowned me"

The seasonal sports enthusiast This person is probably too proud to admit that he has never played a sport all his/her life and was the one to find excuses to skip sports days at school. But now, he wants to be a part of the in-thing this season. He is partly amazed to know that women are as much into sports as his guy friends are so now he wants to be a part of the excitement, that is, whatever sports world cup is going on this season. So this is what they do:

• They share every update on the game that appears on popular sports news websites.
• If they know that India is playing, their update is most likely to be - "Go India Go"
• During football season, their updates are "GGOOOOAAALLLL"/ "Go Messi Go"/ "Go ManU Go"
• You will not be invited to his parties if you ever asked him "So who else do you like other than Messi, in football I mean"/ "Dude, do you know the difference between Soccer and Football"/ "Hey, but ManU isn't even playing" etc etc etc
• They don't a lot of players except Messi and now Suarez.

The airport master

Checks in at airports whether he goes there for travel or for receiving somebody. Another variation of this species is the hotel master. So-and-so is at Murthal ka dhaba - feeling hungry! (I hope the dhabewala over charges you)

The Quote Master

This person cannot find proper words for his feeling so voila, brainyquotes.com. His search engine history would be filled with links to webpages offering quotes on life, rain, sadness, love, friendship, betrayal etc. His friends just patronize him with comments like "Good one"/ "Well said yaar"/"Wow, you wrote it?"

At this point, I have realized that I have blabbered too much and would be losing a lot of friends in a short while. Thinking if I should write another post on "All the people I love on Facebook"

Quips from the classroom

One of the most challenging things that I have done for myself is taking up a job in a school and re-entering classrooms (it lists among places I passionately hate, like changing rooms, aquariums, Uttam Nagar bus terminal etc etc). I learn, unlearn simultaneously in a world which is so far away from my comfort zone.

Mass Comm schools should make their students work with adolescent students. It just changes your perspective on communication. They will carry impressions for a lifetime, I promise you.

I haven't known if I am good/bad at what I do. All I know is, I am a very different person than what I was, say, a year ago. I work with teachers who are exhausted at the end of a teaching day, yet passionate about their job. I work with students, who nonchalantly possess sacred powers to either make me feel like tearing my hair apart/ feel warm and fuzzy inside everyday. Either way, it depends on their mood, really. 

And then there are those who drag me to the lighter side of life. I am listing a few here:

Miss, I am going to give you gift

Aww...that's sweet H. But no, you shouldn't. Just focus on your work.

No, I bring you gift. You open. It have snake. It bite you, you dead, I happy that no one scold me now. (He wasn't laughing, trust me)

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Two kids were fighting and one of them was crying

What happened, you two? What is this all about?

Miss, he said bad word to me. He called me a geeerrrlll..

A what?

Geerrl, Miss..You. He called me you.(And he cried more)

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The class was instructed to write a letter, imagining themselves to be a character from the play that they were reading. The character has met with an accident and he is writing a letter to his girlfriend, hoping nothing has changed between them because of the accident and resulting change in his appearance. While most of the students wrote emotional and moving letters, a reluctant writer composed something like this.

Dear love,

What kind of girlfriend are you? You can't even visit me in the hospital when I am sick? Get lost then. Go back to your f***tard life and dont come back

Always awesome,

Me.

(That, my friend, is called a closure)

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A group of students were discussing food habits and cuisines. They discovered, much to their shock, that I m a vegetarian. One of them looks at me sympathetically and says "Miss, life very hard for vegetarians. I am so sorry for your loss"

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On a day when I was almost tearing my hair apart, a student comes to me and imparts wisdom

"Miss, why you so angry? My mom says girls happy when they have babies. Have baby. It make you happy then you don't put on report"

(I didn't open my mouth the whole day)

Needless to say, I accept defeated.